But amongst the many regular dabblers in novelty, none strikes the fear of God into right-thinking listeners more than the Radio DJ. Endlessly enamoured of the sound of their own voice, the many hours DJs have to empty their brain-pan into a microphone just aren't enough for them. So they decide to release a novelty single and the world cries itself to sleep.
Kenny Everett - Snot Rap
Kenny Everett was always my favourite comedian when I was a kid - he was just so stupid and inventive and definitely ahead of the game in the modern short-attention-span stakes. But this is pretty bad stuff.
In his defence, five years later some people were still making the mistake that rappers were tone-deaf morons who just talked over backing tracks. I'm thinking in particular of Prince's Dead On It from 1988's Black Album.
What follows is one of the darkest corners in my record collection. For Christmas 1982, my Grandmother bought me 3 singles: Our House by Madness, Musical Youth's Youth Of Today and this.
Young Steve & The Afternoon Boys - I'm Alright
Steve Wright was the mainstay of Radio 1's afternoon programming. Pop Hits, a host of wacky characters and lots of catchphrase comedy. The kind of thing to get you through an afternoon at work and lead you up to your journey home. I don't know if he came up with the masterstroke that was "Alright?" before Michael Barrymore, but as far as catchphrases go, it ain't much is it?
Steve is still on the radio, having shifted over to Radio 2 to play inappropriate tracks on Sunday Love Songs. Typical phone-in request:
"This weekend my beautiful daughter is marrying her wonderful partner and all of the family are so proud of her. Can you tell her that I love her very much and play Back To Black by Amy Winehouse? Thanks Steve, love the show."It's also worth catching to here some truly terrifying letters from people wanting to make contact with lost loves from many years ago. I'm sure I've heard listeners aged 50 and over trying to get in touch with people they haven't seen since they were eleven. Steve Wright: the stalker's friend.
Damien & The Social Workers - Damien
Damien the Social Worker was one of Steve's characters. Basically he was a bit of a hippy, a bit wishy-washy and he was (to 1982 eyes) unnecessarily concerned about the environment and the crap that people put into their bodies. It's almost as though Steve was inventing Gillian McKeith.
Visit - Kenny Everett
Visit - Steve Wright fan page (with audio clips)
Buy - something good, for Christ's sake